| Your situation | Motto direction | Example wording | Planning use |
|---|---|---|---|
| Starting from nothing | Whatever the family names together | Wording written at a family meeting | Hold a meeting and let each person name a challenge before anyone suggests words. |
| Arguments or silences keep recurring | Communication | “Everything is talk-about-able.” | Suits a family whose main challenge is talking to each other. Pair it with a habit of repairing after conflict. |
| A demanding stretch | Perseverance | “We can do hard things” | Suits a family facing change or setbacks. Keep the wording short enough for children to repeat. |
| Wanting a values anchor | Values and morals | “Integrity is our foundation” | Suits families who want a phrase to steer behaviour choices. Explain it with child-sized examples. |
Example wordings come from Organized Mom’s family motto ideas and The Sweet Feminist’s collection of family mottos.
Family mottos are short phrases that sum up a family’s core values, beliefs and goals. They work best when children help choose the wording and the family tests it in everyday life before committing to it.
This guide sits within our wider collection of parenting tips nz. The mottos below are grouped by the situation a family is in, because the right phrase depends far more on what is going on at home than on how impressive it sounds.
Starting from nothing: choosing a motto together
A motto belongs to the family that writes it. Organized Mom describes a family motto as a short phrase or sentence that encapsulates the core values, beliefs and goals of a family, and it points out that the motto can be short and sweet or long and wordy. Treat any list of examples, including the one in the table above, as a prompt for conversation rather than a menu to order from.
Run a family meeting
The simplest starting point is the one Organized Mom suggests: sit down with your kids during one of your upcoming family meetings and talk about what is important to you. If your household has no regular meeting, a relaxed mealtime or a weekend afternoon does the same job.
- Let children speak first. If parents offer wording early, children tend to agree rather than contribute. Ask open questions such as what makes home feel good, and write down their words exactly as they say them.
- Keep the setting low-pressure. The aim is to collect ideas, not to finish a motto in a single sitting.
- Put everything on paper. A shared sheet that anyone can add to shows children their ideas count.
Name challenges and strengths
Values become concrete when they are tied to something the family actually struggles with. Organized Mom suggests asking everyone to say one thing that is currently a challenge for them. Then ask the kids to name one thing they think is a challenge for Mom or Dad, and have parents name one for each child. Once you have this list of strengths and challenges, it may be easier to narrow down your options.
This step is also where you learn which kind of motto fits. A family that keeps naming interrupted conversations will lean toward a communication phrase. A family that names tiredness and change will lean toward perseverance. Keep the tone light and make clear that the list is raw material for the motto, not a round of complaints.
Settle the wording
Once the challenges are listed, turn them into a handful of candidate phrases and let each person vote or veto. A family values list for kids works best when it uses words children already say themselves, such as “kind”, “honest” or “brave”, rather than abstract terms they have to be taught. Phrases that begin with “we” tend to read as a shared commitment instead of an instruction from parents.
Length is a matter of family preference. For younger children, a phrase short enough to say in one breath is easier to remember and repeat. Older children and teenagers may be happy with something longer or more pointed, and they are often quicker to reject anything that sounds like a slogan.
When arguments and silences are the problem
Where conflict is the pressure point, the motto should make talking feel safe and expected. This is the most direct route to the harmony most families are after.
Communication mottos
The Sweet Feminist’s collection of family mottos includes “Everything is talk-about-able.” The phrase works because it gives children permission as well as an expectation. It is a good fit for households where children go quiet or parents shut conversations down when topics are uncomfortable.
A phrase like this has a condition attached. It only holds if adults respond calmly when a child takes them at their word. Organized Mom notes that working on communication as a family can be a process in itself, and one that everyone can benefit from, so expect to practise rather than to get it right immediately. When a disagreement has just happened, our guide on how to talk to your child after an argument covers the conversation that follows.
A harmony motto in Latin
Some families prefer a traditional feel. A motto-for-coats-of-arms list from CoaMaker notes that Latin mottos are particularly popular for their timeless elegance and grandeur, and it lists “Concordia” as the word for harmony. A one-word motto is easy to remember and suits families who enjoy a bit of ceremony.
The limitation is obvious: young children will not understand it unaided. If you choose Latin, add a plain-English line the children can explain in their own words, or let them draw what harmony looks like at home. The motto only does its job if children can say what it means.
When the family faces a hard stretch
A move, a loss, a new baby or a long school term can leave everyone stretched. In these periods a motto is less about aspiration and more about giving the family a shared way to describe what it is doing.
Perseverance mottos
“We can do hard things” appears among the examples in Organized Mom’s list. It suits families who want to name difficulty honestly instead of pretending it is absent. Because the phrase uses “we”, a child who is struggling hears that the effort is shared.
A motto does not change how a child feels on its own. When a child is stuck in a low or angry mood, use the phrase as a shared reference point alongside practical steps such as those in our guide on how to help a child change their mood.
Values-led mottos
Organized Mom groups mottos by theme, and its values and morals section includes “Integrity is our foundation”. This kind of phrase suits families who want one idea to guide many small decisions, from homework honesty to how siblings treat each other.
It also works best with older children, who can debate what integrity looks like. For younger children, translate it into concrete behaviour they can recognise, such as telling the truth when it is awkward or owning up to a mistake. Without that translation, an abstract value stays on the wall and never reaches the kitchen table.
Turning the motto into everyday family rules
A motto states the value. Rules describe what it looks like on an ordinary Tuesday. The Sweet Feminist observes that all families have different rules, so there is no standard set to copy. Creating family rules together means starting from your own motto and your own list of challenges.
Draft rules from the motto
Return to the challenges everyone named at the meeting and ask what a rule would look like that addressed each one while reflecting the motto. The same meeting approach from Organized Mom applies: children and parents both contribute, and both sides name what is hard for them.
- Tie each rule to the motto. If a rule cannot be connected to the family’s phrase, it probably belongs to a different conversation.
- Phrase rules positively. Describe what family members will do rather than what is forbidden, so the rule echoes the tone of the motto.
- Let children help word them. A rule a child helped phrase is easier for that child to remember and to point to when someone else forgets it.
Test it in daily life
Treat the first wording as a trial. Agree in advance how long you will try it, then use the next family meeting to ask what helped and what felt awkward. If a phrase sounds good but nobody uses it, change the wording rather than the family.
- Choose a moment to try it. Pick a predictable time, such as a morning routine or evening wind-down, to refer to the motto on purpose.
- Notice who uses it. When a child quotes the motto back at a parent, that is a good sign it has landed.
- Keep or rewrite. A motto that is kept after the trial is one the whole family has accepted. One that is rewritten is still progress.
Keep it visible
Organized Mom describes a motto as a constant reminder of what your family stands for, which only works if the family can see and hear it. Write it where everyone passes, such as the kitchen wall or the fridge, and let children decorate it so it feels like theirs.
Beyond the wall, use the phrase in real moments. Mention it when someone helps a sibling, when a hard conversation goes well, or when the family gets through a difficult day. A motto that is only quoted during arguments starts to sound like a reprimand, so aim to use it for recognition as often as for correction.
Frequently asked questions
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| What is a family motto for? | It serves as a unifying force, reminding everyone in the family of their shared values and purpose. |
| Do all families need the same rules? | No. Families set different rules, so borrow the spirit of another family’s motto but write the specific rules around your own household’s challenges. |
| Where can I find more motto ideas? | Organized Mom’s themed motto lists cover areas such as unity, perseverance, values and love. For traditional wording, Heraldry Clipart’s mottoes page offers a database of approximately 9,000 mottoes transcribed from Elvin’s Mottoes. |
